The Burgerator – Heston vs. GBK The Movie

Adventures of a time-travelling, burger addicted cyborg

WORCESTER, UK 2012 A.D.

The machines rose from the ashes of the nuclear fire.

Their war to exterminate mankind had raged for decades, but the final battle would not be fought in the future. It would be fought here, in our present. Tonight…

Blue lightning could be seen over the city of Worcester. The Burgerator stood motionless, running through its core programming and identified its primary target – burgers!

There would be no fire, only Ghost Pepper Salsa. The only thing that would be exterminated would be hunger and the war or battle would be between two only. Two burgers… Two burgers would collide in this blockbuster of a showdown…

I was visiting friends we will refer to mysteriously as M and A. Their identity will remain anonymous as they are not fans of ‘social media’ such as Fakebook or shamelessly pushing poorly written burger reviews on Twitter.

M had been tasked with acquiring The Burgerator’s primary target. Both M and A have frequented eateries such as Claridges, The Seafood Restaurant and our old house so they were used to fine dining. M also introduced me to the famous Kadhai chicken recipe so The Burgerator’s logic processor concluded that whichever burgers had been targeted they would be good.

The Burgerator’s CPU was not disappointed either. After a jaunt around The Faithful City we arrived at an old favourite, The Ye Olde Talbot. After a few pints we headed back to get something on the grill. The primary objective of the evening was to replicate the Steakhouse Angus from Burger King (http://www.burgerking.co.uk/menu/steakhouse-angus).

I was armed with several weapons of ingestion – applewood smoked bacon and crispy onion bits were in addition to a number of items in my travelling arsenal of condiments. From here on in we’ll put The Burgerator on system standby.

Like a professional M decided we would start with one burger each and then have a few more drinks and have the second burger later in the evening. I could not argue with this calculated plan.

Up first was our attempt at replicating the taste and textures found within the Steakhouse Angus and for this M used the Gourmet Burger Kitchen Aberdeen Angus Beef Burgers (http://www.waitrose.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductView-10317-10001-71606-GBK+Aberdeen+Angus+patties+2s.html?storeId=10317)

Wow. As soon as I saw these I was over excited and couldn’t wait to try one. They were cooked to perfection on the griddle pan and smelt beautiful. M the constant professional actually cooked the bacon in the pan first before removing and then cooking the beauties in the bacon fat.

We loaded up the burger with the following ingredients: American cheese, applewood smoked bacon, salad leaves, French’s New York Steakhouse sauce and crispy onion bits. I can honestly say that this was amazing! The beef was really tasty and I will be shocked if I do not acquire a pair of these again in the next few days. The patties were really juicy but not greasy. M had actually let them stand for 30 seconds after cooking – it’s this attention to detail that you appreciate.

As you ate through this combination we’d put together I was adamant that we had been successful in our replica. The lettuce leaves were a more upmarket version of the lettuce you normally find, the bacon had the lovely smoked taste to it and the American cheese clung to its burger host and was spot on. The real clincher was the crispy onion bits and steakhouse sauce. Biting into the onions really did match the crunchy texture and we were both impressed with this new find. And only 99p too! The sauce and the onions just brought it all together and I was more than happy we’d done it. Mission success… but how would Part 2 compare?

Gourmet Burger Kitchen Aberdeen Angus Beef Burgers – try them today!

So after a few more drinks we decided to try the sequel to this blockbuster. Would this be faithful to the original but improved or would it be a direct to DVD ‘B’ rated release? We’ll find out next…

How can you outdo the quality of a GBK Waitrose burger? Just get a pack of ‘Heston from Waitrose 2 Ultimate Beef Burgers’ (http://www.waitrose.com/shop/ProductView-10317-10001-134075-Heston+from+Waitrose+2+Ultimate+Beef+Burgers).

Anything with ‘ultimate’ in the name must be good surely? (see Ultimate Warrior).

Talk about some of the best burgers you can buy – these were fantastic and really meaty. The size of the burgers didn’t diminish as they were cooked and they were thick too. For this drunken treat we used the Mrs. Renfro’s Ghost Pepper Salsa (http://shop.renfrofoods.com/products/ghost-pepper-salsa). This is HOT but not unbearable. It was a nice heat and we also added bacon, cheese, salad leaves and the crispy onions. I’d originally not intended to have the onions on board but we enjoyed them so much before we thought what the hell.

M also put some chopped green jalapenos on and this made for a spicy burger which packed a punch. I won’t pick which burger was my favourite as they were both lovely and I would recommend either to anyone.

The classic sesame seed buns held firm (sometimes they can be a bit flaky) but they were ultra-fresh, soft and held these behemoths together well.

Overall this was a brilliant burger fuelled evening and it’s certainly opened my eyes to burgers you can buy for cooking at home. Roll on next summer and BBQ season!

Well The Burgerator’s mission parameters were now complete. System shutdown was imminent and this two part epic had come to a conclusion.

REVIEW TERMINATED

I’ll be back…

Burger Lad®