McDonald’s Monster Mac
The quest for secret menus items continues as Burger Lad® creates the monster of all burgers, the dreaded Monster Mac.
What they say:
At times McDonald’s runs trials in a select number of restaurants to determine if a new product will perform well across the whole of the UK. However there are no secret menus.
Calories: Approximately 1,500 kcal.
It was one year to this day that Burger Lad® created Burger History by attempting to order a Double Big Mac from our local McDonald’s. So how exactly do you celebrate this four patty pinnacle? I tell you how… you double it again to eight patties and create what is known by the secret menu sect as the Monster Mac.
|The McDonald’s Secret Menu Item Monster Mac…
You could tell I was excited by this latest chapter of the quest and that euphoria started to rub-off on “Burger Bev”. She even got into the swing of things by dancing and singing this, our latest jingle:
I was working in the burger lab late one night
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight
For my burger from his box began to rise
And suddenly to my surprise
He did the mac
He did the monster mac
The monster mac
It was a greedy bite
He did the mac
We ate it through the nite
He did the mac
He did the monster mac
|Our Christmas Star…
It was packed in McDonald’s and Three Wise Men easily waited five minutes to get served. Luckily our Merchandise Sales Director got a premium space in the corner so that we could film this monster episode of Burger Lad® TV.
Admittedly I felt nervous, not because I was going to attempt to order one (I wasn’t) but more the fact I was staring down the barrel of EIGHT patties in one burger and 1,500 big ones (calories).
The cost of £7.16 didn’t exactly fill me with Christmas cheer either but hey ho… think of the page views.
|All you need is greed…
So when I ordered three plain double cheeseburgers and a Big Mac did it activate the secret menu alarm? Or did the guy serving me think “Geez this guy is greedy”? We’ll never know.
At this point I’d just like to point out I have lost two stone (28-ish pounds) since the filming of the Double Big Mac so that proves eating McDonald’s in moderation is not all bad.
After grabbing our favourite table (we had to wait for some people from The Hills Have Eyes movie) to move (and eff me they took ages) the time had come. This should be the last 2013 burger review so what better way to say goodbye to the year than with a towering calorific terror of a burger?
|The eight patty Monster Mac…
Here is my monster methodology:
Halve the Big Mac and add three of the plain double patties onto the first half and hope as much of that melted cheese sticks to those bad boys as possible.
Then “lift the lid” and add the additional three patties to the top half of the Big Mac. Add them together and see what you get… remember to disregard the buns as they clock in at 140 kcal for each double cheese. Talking of buns…
The Commissioner for Secret Menu Items even went one better on the Grilled Cheese SMI we created last year and authorised the “Grilled McCheeseFry” – he laughs in the face of the nutritional guide.
|The Grilled McCheeseFry…
I’d also like to add that unfortunately our latest episode of Burger Lad® TV is missing “the voice that makes you moist” David Attenburger. We caught up with him later in the evening before he took his candy-backside off to Yo! Apparently he’d missed the Monster Mac as he was at some big league, big shot, big dick lunch at Prezzo – where he’d had a salad… yeah you can guess what happened. We fired him on the spot.
Anyway I digress, let us take another look at why we’re all here… the MONSTER MAC.
|“He did the mac…He did the monster mac…”
As you can see from the video my mouth had finally found something I couldn’t get around! It was massive and started to fall apart after the first bite. But after a little bit of a fix and a new strategy (bite into the middle) I started to get the full flavour of the Monster Mac.
“Don’t be too proud of this technological terror you’ve constructed.”
I was proud… prouder than proud cock. It looked pretty good I thought (yes Bev I can hear you now “My God that is revolting, how can people eat this?”) so this shot is dedicated to you:
|Burger Porn dedicated to Burger Bev…
Dare I say I actually quite enjoyed the Monster Mac as you get that classic Special Sauce and the gherkins. The extra cheese from the doubles really gives it a cheesy, beefy blend that stays with you for quite some time after!
I was asked later in the evening if it was dry but it wasn’t – it had the right amount of grease from the burgers and that combined with the sauce and cheese made this a moist monster from the maccies counter.
|A monster tower of calories…
It took a fair amount of time to eat it and one of the staff was hovering suspiciously but I managed to finish the entire thing. Would I have it again? Definitely not! But I was surprised at just how good it was.
Little Gem reported to me recently that after seeing our Double Big Mac his friends and family had taken to ordering an additional double with their Big Mac and creating their own. I wonder if anyone will splash the cash on three to create the Monster Mac?
The Monster Mac is a crazy secret menu item burger. Clocking in at approximately 1,500 calories, costing in excess of £7.00 and containing eight beef patties this really is a once in a lifetime spectacular.
This is so big you will not be able to get your mouth around the thing so attack the mac from within.
You get a pure beef and cheese rush with that added bonus of the Big Mac sauce and pickles and I assure you it is not dry. In fact, if you are going to take on the Monster definitely order plain doubles as you know they’ll be freshly done and not sat around losing their heat and moisture. Perhaps throw some bacon in there too.
You can view our David Attenburger-less Monster Mac video now:
So with that we’ll leave you with one last look at the McDonald’s Secret Menu Item Monster Mac. I can assure you right now that this time next year we will not be creating the sixteen patty version!
Wishing all our readers across the world a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Goodbye 2013 and roll-on 2014. Thanks for reading!